Stupid Sexy Priestface - Immaculate (2024)
What’s the best thing to do on Holy Thursday?
That’s right, get yourself completely and utterly piss-faced drunk, solely because the pubs are closed at midnight. And now that Ireland doesn’t do that shut-down thing any more, I guess we’re onto option number two: watch a horror film that is associated with the Catholic church.
Yayyyyyy!!!
Dreams Mean Nothing - The Sandman (2022)
I started to write this piece as a simple review of Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, now streaming on Netflix; like the show itself, and the comic series at its origin, it turned into something far bigger, a historical narrative including random characters, with meanings and truths revealed as if from nowhere.
Like dreams, this review has become something more, an essay about writing itself, about narrative, about the consumption of art for both good and evil, and about its very effect on our lives.
Or maybe just mine.
A Hole Lot Of Glory - Glorious (2022)
We need more films about gloryholes; there, I said it.
Although, let’s be honest, said films already exist; they’re just shooting towards a slightly different viewer, a fact that is hard to swallow for some people.
Zombie Slots - Army Of The Dead (2021)
Heist movies. Yep, we’ve been there. Sure, they were and can be fun to watch, but rarely something that I adore and want to watch again - 2001’s Ocean’s 11, I’m looking right at you. And your totally unnecessary sequels.
Add other elements though, and you might actually get my interest. Give me a narrative in the hands of one of my favourite directors, Zach Snyder and I’m probably going to love.
Add elements like zombies and headshots, and you can have my money.
A Monster Mash - Godzilla Vs Kong (2021)
Like most of the other movies that are, were or have been due for release through 2020 and 2021, the release of Godzilla Vs Kong has turned into something of a mess. Originally due in cinemas November 2020 (cinemas? What are they?), rather than sitting on release for an indefinite period (cough, Disney, cough), the film’s release dates got moved around a bit and then got itself a home release.
That…is not necessarily a good thing, but it’s also not bad: home releasing at least means that your film gets out there, it gets seen and talked about. But it also means that you’re going to miss some of the cinematic experience itself, the grand breaths and comments from the rest of the audience that turn a film from more than just a movie into an experience.
I See What You Did There - WandaVision (2021)
I can accept change (if you know me at all, please stop laughing as you read this.) But when it comes to narrative, such changes have to be done in a fashion that they fit with the story you want to tell. Or perhaps with the story that wants to be told.
The story that wants to be told in WandaVision, Marvel’s newest comic-book adaptation, is a story of grief and mental health, and how they play in a world of super-heroics. WandaVision brings the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) to an episodic TV format, one that will actually be acknowledged on other screens (unlike Agents Of Shield.)
As such, WandaVision is a story that works very well for what feels like seven of the show’s nine episodes, only to dramatically lose such appeal when coming to a close, forgetting any heart and focus it had, moving instead to solely show off its actions and powers.
Is Two And A Half Years Later Still “New”? - The New Mutants (2020…Kinda)
For a film that was originally due to be released Friday 13th IN APRIL 2018, it feels somewhat painful writing about The New Mutants nearly three years later.
And yeah, I’ve specifically waited until a Friday 13th to write and publish this; it seems kind of right, no?
Do you know what doesn’t seem right for this film though? The absolute clusterfuck that is its release.
Partly due to Covid-19 (booo), partly due to production and branding, I still can’t actually tell if this film has been released properly. Well, it has been released: I made the point of catching it in the cinema in those handful of weeks when the cinemas were open, but I specifically wanted to hold off on writing about it until other people would have watched.
Queer Filthy Horror- The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula: Resurrection (2020)
I started writing this solely as a review of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula: Resurrection, touching on queer imagery (and life) within both the arts and day-to-day life, especially around Halloween. That, however, turned into something a hell of a lot grander. Most of the time when watching anything related to the Boulet Brothers, I find myself inspired, challenged (in the good way) and, above all else, comfortable and safe; this is my people and my world, and I want to support and love them every chance I get.
And so, I warn you now: this is going down a rabbit hole. Things are going to get surprisingly personal, which is not what I was expecting.
shrugs Deal with it, motherfuckers.
Game Of Thrones Minus The Blue Balls - Kingdom, Seasons 1 & 2
A politically heavy Korean narrative that just happens to have zombies in it isn’t quite what I was expecting when I sat down to watch Kingdom on Netflix, but it’s what I got.
And boy, was I happy to get it. Visually stunning, I found it very hard to write about Kingdom and not draw comparisons with Game Of Thrones. So let’s just put my money where my mouth is and say that, yes, it’s fucking better, being nowhere as afraid to embrace its horror/fantasy roots.
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